Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Remember Poetry Wednesdays?

Well, I have a new one for you!
(And there will be a poem called "In (Living) Memory of River" coming as soon as I finish revising it.)

A Faithful Companion

We were both test subjects.
I had a gun and you couldn’t speak,
yet I was thoroughly assured that
you would never threaten to stab me.

In the event you did speak, she urged me to “disregard your advice.”

You were a faithful companion,
obeying orders and protecting me
from fiery death while I used you
as a not-quite-human shield.

You were “most likely incapable of feeling much pain.”

You were there to help me
complete a mission that was impossible
for one, but manageable for us,
and together we would beat the odds.

She told me to “please take care of you.”

The task complete, we learned that
you could no longer accompany me
on the rest of my journey, but
also could not be left behind.

There was an “Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.”

You still couldn’t speak, but I knew that
you would say to go on without you,
that you would rather die in a fire
than become a burden to me.

“You euthanized your faithful companion more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.”

I would love any feedback you have. I'm doing these poems for a poetry class, but we don't have very good critiques* and I'm dying to hear what other writers have to say. Suggestions? My teacher thought it might be interesting to try writing it in present tense, which I liked. I was also thinking about changing the POV to GLaDOS** and seeing how that goes. I'll play around with it one of these days and post my alternate versions. I would REALLY love your input, though.

*it's mostly "This is really good!" even when it's clearly not

**Yes, this is a poem about Portal. Don't know about Portal? It's a puzzle-based video game in which you play a test subject going through a series of tasks run by an (evil) intelligent computer known as GLaDOS. Look up "Weighted Companion Cube" if you want to know the back story for this poem. Though I don't think that's NECESSARY. It's supposed to work as a poem even if you don't know about Portal.